clarity.

This morning, I went for a run and the boys came with. They played at the park while I ran around it in circles. First of all, the weather was spectacular--which instantly puts me in a good mood. Second, it was super cloudy & overcast--which always makes me happy. No way around it, it was a good morning.

But it got better; and I don't want to forget this. While I was running, I felt SO incredibly happy. Like I had just swallowed a handful of happy pills. I had my new ipod nano/touch/shuffle (i dunno what its called) on (that jer won last week at a work party, yes!), and I couldn't stop smiling. The sky was beautiful. I looked at my two boys and I felt so complete. I realized how lucky I am to be able to run. I feel so healthy, more in shape than I ever have. I thought about my life, and all I could think of were wonderful things about it. There was not a speck of negativity in sight. I love that running does that--banishes the blues. I feel happy with my new calling--back in Young Women's, this time with a small group of the cutest, sweetest beehives. I feel happy in our new neighborhood, and in our cute house by the blue park. Maybe it just took some time, cause I was the saddest I had ever been when we first moved.

After 2.5 years of trying, I am finally feeling ok with the fact that maybe two kids is all I'll get. It's ok, because they are the best two boys I could ever imagine spending my life with. I am happy, and I will no longer feel pity for myself about this trial. I do know my Heavenly Father loves me, looking at my two boys is all the proof I need. Any doubts that I have had that maybe He is mad at me or that I don't deserve to have more kids---gone. Shame on me for ever thinking that. I may not know the reason, but I have faith that this will all work out. Even if its not the way I wanted it to.

Life is so good.