It doesn't matter how many times I have read this quote. It makes me tear up every single time.
“…the biggest mistake I made is the one that most of us make…I did not live in the moment enough. This is particularly clear now that the moment is gone, captured only in photographs. There is one picture of the three of [my children] sitting in the grass on a quilt in the shadow of the swing set on a summer day, ages 6, 4, and 1. And I wish I could remember what we ate, and what we talked about, and how they sounded, and how they looked when they slept that night. I wish I had not been in such a hurry to get on to the next thing: dinner, bath, book bed. I wish I had treasured the doing a little more and the getting it done a little less.”
--Anna Quindlen
Sometimes I get in a rut of thinking a blog post has to be about something exciting or new that we did. But I know that those aren't the sort of things I am going to want to remember most. Its the normal, day to day moments that I want to keep forever. So...
Today, Kosty and I went to the lake to feed the ducks. Sometimes I feel like all I ever do while Brayden is at school is run to the grocery store/ the bank/ random errands. I need to do more of just Kosty activities. Today was all about him. He thought it was hilarious when the fish came up and stuck their big lips out of the water to eat the bread we were throwing. He laughed at the duck that's neck was twisted around and beak was buried into its feathers. Then he wanted to play on the playground but kept saying, "where's my friends?" EVERY single time we go to any park, he wants to play hide and seek. But he doesn't really "hide", nor does he "seek" very well. And if you act like you can't find him, which usually he is in plain view, he will simply shout, "HERE I AM!" He cracks me up. When we were leaving the park I asked him what his favorite part was, and he said, "the funny fish and the see-saw." The whole way home, he jabbered away about what color every character was from Sesame Street & Spongebob, and he kept saying "I can't nember!"
When we got home he wanted to wear his Harry Potter robe and watch cartoons while he ate his Ramen noodles and fresh pineapple. He sat on the counter while I cooked his Ramen. He always sits on the counter while I cook. "Little Bear" was on, and it triggered his memory of when he watched it about a month or so ago after he touched the hot pan, and he got a little burn. He said,
"Nember, I got an owie and got some vitamins, an watched Little Bear las time?"
After dinner, we made chocolate chip cookies, and he got to lick "this fing" (the mixer spatula) as he called it over and over. He licked and licked for probably 30 minutes straight. Then we "danced" in the kitchen to Christmas music, and I got to rotate dance partners between him and Bray. I taught them both to say,
"can I cut in?" and boy, did it ever sound cute coming out of his little three year old mouth.
Anything does.I get so emotional thinking of the day when he is grown, and I don't have that permanent memory in my head like I do now, of his cute little face, and petite hands & feet, and the way he talks. It literally just makes me cry. I know I have pictures to remember his looks, but I mainly want to remember
how he looks,
how he sounds,
and what he talked about. I want to preserve this precious boy. My memories are so vivid NOW, but no matter how much I
think I really will remember certain things, I won't. So that is why I am determined & committed to writing more of these day to day moments. I know it will be one of the best things I ever did.
*(sorry, but its really late. I always get sappy/sentimental/emotional when its late).
