one of those days...

Had to make the trek to Walmart today, which is never FUN, lets face it. I hate Walmart for their not so fresh produce, their not so great meat, their not so great store brand, their not so great employees, and their not so great selection. It seems they are almost always out of a KEY ingredient that I NEED for my dinner plans. But as much as I hate Walmart, I am forced back every single week. They do have the best prices, and since I am an ad-matcher for life, it saves me from going to 3 different stores. I am so used to going grocery shopping with only Kosty while Brayden was in school. I felt like I was losing my mind at some points, like I was in a foggy haze...between trying to focus what was on my list and the constant, "can we get..." and repeating NO a gazillion times.

I also had to run in the bank, where Kosty pulled on a table cloth, knocking over an entire display of {hundreds} of brochures. It took me a while to get that all cleaned up. Then I took him to get a much needed haircut. There was no one in sight when I walked in, (my first clue) so I slowly started walking back towards the stations, hoping someone would hear my footsteps and come pretend to friggin work! Finally out pops an older lady who did not look happy at all to see me. I told her I need to get "his" haircut as I pointed at my shaggy little boy. She looked at him and looked back at me and said, "HE?!" with a scowl on her face. Hello, rude! "YES he is a HE", I said.
She just started walking, so I thought maybe we were supposed to follow, she was just too annoyed to give us any courtesy, then he started to get nervous and started crying. He has had a haircuts before and done FINE. But she turned immediately and said, " I will not cut him if he's upset. No way." I said well he has gotten haircuts before and done great. {Obviously he was a good judge of character} I said," I think once you get started he will be okay." She said, "nope, I won't do it if he's upset." I mean seriously, first you are no where to be found lady, how unprofessional can you be, then you are grumpy, rude, insult my kid, then you refuse to cut his hair because he is whimpering. I wanted to punch her out for a split second, and then just said, "Well thanks for not helping." She said, "your welcome", and went straight to the back and sat down next to a stack of magazines. GRRRR. Some people just do not even deserve to have a job.

Well later after dinner, Kosty refused to have FHE with us, and went into the bathroom, drew his own bath, took off his own clothes, and got in. He is such a rebel. Brayden refused to conduct, didn't want to sing any songs, and didn't want to say a prayer.

Brayden was really grumpy and I could tell he was exhausted, Kosty had missed his nap, so I was trying to round him up to take to bed, but of course he ran off, ran into my room, jumped on my bed and smacked his face on the headboard. OUCH. He was hysterical, Jer picked him up and tried to soothe him, while I picked up grumpy Brayden and started carrying him off to bed, he decided to make it really difficult to hold him and started kicking his feet really fast, so I dropped him to the floor, maybe 1 foot down, and his head flung back and smacked into the corner of the wall {thank goodness for rounded corners} so at this point both boys are hysterical and beyond exhausted, simultaneously scream/crying....it took forever to get them both calmed down.

And this is when I say my infamous line to my sweet husband, "You really want to add another one to this mess?"

hereditary

Many years ago, there was a very sensitive little girl who often "felt bad" for her mom. You see, everyday at school lunch, she would open her lunch sack and find....it. A simple paper napkin with a little message from her Mom written with a Sharpie. A simple little note; usually an eyeball, a heart, and a letter U. {I love you}. Although she appreciated the loving gesture from her mom, it caused all kinds of emotions and inner turmoil. Unbeknown to her Mom. Everyday, she would eat her lunch and stress about it. She thought about how she would have to make a choice when she was through. She would have to decide to throw it away with her trash, or have the inner battle. So she would throw out all her trash, and somehow "felt too bad" to throw away this sentiment from her Mom. So after much debate and feeling bad, she would usually wad it and put it in her pocket. There were many days she actually thought to herself, "Today is the day. Today I will throw "it" away. And I won't feel bad, because it is after all, just a napkin. I can do it." Well she would say it over and over in her head, and then when she stood in front of the trash can, she just couldn't bear to do it. So everyday she would wad that napkin up and put it in her pocket. She even thought about telling her Mom to stop writing the notes, but of course, she felt too bad. She somehow felt that throwing the napkin away would somehow hurt her Mom's feelings. Well of course it wouldn't have. But this continued anyway....till the end of 6th grade.

Well, she eventually grew up. And when her own child went to school for the first day, she wrote a note on his napkin. She later went and visited him at lunch and laughed to herself when she saw notes on every one of the kids' napkins. None of them seemed to notice the notes much, not even her own son. She was relieved. So, not wanting to pass on the tradition of inner turmoil and sadness in the cafeteria, she stopped writing notes. Not that she didn't want to, just that she knew how much grief it had caused her as a child and she certainly didn't want her own son wallowing over the trash bin with much guilt and sadness.

Many weeks later, she was packing his lunch, and realized he had left his lunch box at school. She grabbed a paper bag, and proceeded to put his lunch inside. Then it happened...the little boy looked up at her and said, "Mom, please don't write anything on that lunch bag." She said, "why?"

and he said, "because when I throw it away..........I will feel bad for you."

No two alike.

Brayden and Kosty's differences are astounding to me. I can't imagine not having more than one, just to witness how different they can be. It's truly amazing to experience!

Kosty / Brayden

pale skin/ tans easily
blondie/ brunette
fine thin hair with some curl/ thick straight hair
hazel eyes/ blue eyes
movie fanatic/ video game fanatic
fearless/ cautious
french fries/ fruit cup
chicken nuggets/ hamburger
McDonald's/ Subway
born 2 weeks early/ born 3 days late
"difficult" baby/ dream baby
Daddy's boy/ Mama's boy
Can't live without his nap/ what is a nap?
very feisty/ very sweet
tantrums/ NOT
most determined kid I know/ more easily discouraged
rebel without a cause/ strives to be obedient
King of forgiveness/ slower to forgive
Mr. SHY/ Mr. SOCIAL
Plays independently/ wants to be constantly entertained
wants to play in the bath for hours/ wants a quick shower

thrives on routine/goes with the flow

Equally Adorable.

Equally Irreplaceable.

Equally Loveable.

{still can't believe we created two polar opposites}

the spanking debate

I know how controversial the topic of spanking is...but I can't help myself. I am just too curious! I really don't know anyone now days who regularly spanks as the primary form of punishment. (Or at least admits to it!) So, when exactly did spanking go away? Right along with getting your mouth washed out with soap?

I know my Dad spanked us growing up, so did Jer's parents, so did most-everyone-I- knows-parents. Right? I remember as a kid, one particular time I got spanked...and I got spanked hard. But to be honest I only remember it once! It worked, dangit. I remember my Dad repeating something to me and my sister over and over again, with us completely ignoring him. (Paybacks are no fun) Finally he got so fed up, he smacked us hard. Sure, I might have hated his guts for a good 30 seconds, but I never felt abused or unloved, I just learned to listen up!

Many years later, I remember being pregnant with Brayden, thinking about different ways to discipline, and deciding to myself, "I would NEVER EVER spank my child." "It's violent, its abusive, cruel, etc." That went out the window just like: weaning him right at one, going back to work part time, forcing him to take a binky, not letting him sleep in our bed, and making him cry it out. Well, I think I have only spanked him like twice in his life, but I do think there are "those times." Of course I have done all the traditional methods of time-outs, losing privileges, etc. But sometimes I just feel like when you have done everything else, and nothing sinks in....then a good old fashioned spanking is in order! Then the thought occured to me, with all kids now days.. there seems to be an overall more disrespectful attitude, more irreverence at church, more kids getting in trouble at school, more talking back, more bad attitudes, more bad influences. And I am sorry, but may I suggest that those of us from the "spanking generation" were overall better behaved as kids??

Now like I said, this as a last resort but there are definitely those times when I feel like there is nothing left to do! One day, Kosty and I were at the store, he refused to sit in the cart, started pulling things off shelves, wandering off, just plain being NAUGHTY! Obviously in a public place you can't enforce the naughty chair, or the time out, or take away a privilege...so what the heck do you do? and what did I do? I took him outside and gave him a big fat spank! The diaper was a little too much cushion though ;) BUT, he needed to know right then and there that it was NOT OK to act that way in a store. And guess what? he's been a store angel ever since!

Now you know where I stand, and no calling CPS. So come on, share your spanking opinions, were you, or were you not spanked as a child? are you, or are you not scarred for life? have you, or have you not spanked your own? and do you, or do you not think the occasional spank is in order? Don't be scared! I want to hear ALL of your opinions!

a lesson

Jer took Brayden out for a little Daddy time on Saturday. They rarely get alone time, but when they do you can count on Brayden coming home with a new something. He got a used video game for his game cube. He was ecstatic. He came home, and quickly discovered that the disc was scratched and didn't go past a certain point. When I told him I would not be exchanging it that day, oh was he ever upset. Sunday was the next day, so he knew I would not be exchanging it then either. He knew he had to wait until today. Tonight, I took him on a little date. We got Subway, he got a haircut, and then we exchanged the game. He kept holding it up in the air and expressing his excitement to get home fast so he could play it before bed.

I had to make a quick run in Target, and Brayden ran ahead of me straight to the drinking fountain. As we were leaving, he told me he lost his game. I said "No you didn't, its in the car, I promise...you never brought it to Target." He said, "NO Mama, I am really good at memorizing and I know its not in the car." Again, I thought he was just confused, I would've noticed if he had been carrying it around Target, and I wouldn't have let him bring it in in the first place! Well sure enough, his "memorization" proved to be right, it was gone. Then he told me he set it down at the drinking fountain. We checked, it was gone. Of course we checked Lost and Found, had the guy intercom to every employee, then I asked all the employees, we retraced our steps hundreds of times, we checked with the electronics department several times... and it was all bad news. I suggested maybe he say a prayer. I was thinking he would maybe say a silent little prayer standing up. But no, no. Without an ounce of hesitation, he quickly got down on his knees, bowed his head, closed his eyes, and said his prayer out loud. In the middle of the toy aisle. Bless his little faithful heart. Oh, it was so sweet to watch.

After yet another round, we decided to call it a night. He was so upset, but it was a different kind of upset. I could tell he was taking full responsibility for it, and that he was disappointed in himself. He wasn't expecting me to fix it either. I struggled with what to do....I wanted to get him another game, it didn't feel right. But leaving empty handed felt even worse. I went back into GameStop, expecting them to do nothing, but felt like I should give it a shot. The guy was extremely kind and let me buy another one for half off. He was very compassionate. Brayden was truly grateful, and when I returned to the car, his eyes were filled with tears, and he said, "I was singing a song about how sorry I felt for you." I showed him the new game, and his little eyes were more surprised than I had anticipated. I told him maybe that sweet man in there was the answer to his prayer. Brayden marched right in there and gave him the most sincere "thank you, thank you, thank you" I have ever heard. Then he got in the car and said the sweetest prayer of gratitude to his Heavenly Father. I teared up so many times tonight, all over this little video game. But Brayden's faith and sweet spirit during it all truly made my heart swell. I couldn't be happier that he learned tonight that Heavenly Father really does hear and answer his prayers.

Right when we got home....Target called. They found the game.

my buddy and me.

way too cool for the camera

3 weeks before Brayden's 3rd birthday, Kosty was born. Brayden and I had 3 wonderful memorable years alone together. Our days were filled with park trips, the train at Freestone Park, walking to the mail box, Friday Barnes and Noble & ice cream, taking naps together, and walking out to our neighborhood entrance every evening to watch for Daddy. Those 3 years were incredibly special, and I will treasure them always. When Kosty was born, I had a really hard time emotionally because I was so used to Mama and Brayden time for the past 3 years. It was all he or I had known. I suddenly felt like everything would change as far as our time together. Things were different, but the arrival of a sweet baby eased my sadness. Sure life changed, we were now confined to home during nap time and feeding time... but I did get 3 whole precious years with my firstborn, and I loved him to pieces every single one of those days. I often felt guilty that I would never have that precious time with Kosty.

Well, our time has come! Now that Brayden is in school full day, Kosty and I are able to have our own special one-on-one time together, and I love it so much. He fills my day with laughter and frustration, but he is my little buddy and I enjoy the heck out of him! Every morning, he gets out of his crib, comes in my room, pulls the covers off of me, and tries to pull my feet to the floor. He says, "Come on Mama, its break-tist time." Followed by, "Put yo reindeews on." (those are my pajama pants with reindeer on them that he insists that I wear at all times.) After I take Brayden to school, I get his breakfast and we watch Sesame Street together. Then he asks his famous daily question, "Sood we do somefing fun too-day?" "Sooood we??"(after the daily power struggle/raging tantrum of what to wear, he only likes red shirts. Very fun.)

I got a coupon in the mail for $5 off a Build-A-Bear. Some of you might remember that Brayden did not get his first B.A.B until he was five. But...the coupon was burning a whole in my wallet, and I am a sucker for a good deal. Plus I was running out of fun ideas to entertain Kosty with. I knew he was too little to really appreciate one, so I was pretty happy when out of all the animals to choose from, he chose the $10 basic bear. We walked out of Build A Bear, paying a record-breaking $5.36! Maybe he has my frugal gene. ;)

decisions, decisions....

getting a good scrub down, Kosty's favorite part

awww, a hug to the left & a hug to the right, worth every penny of my $5.36!)

(he insisted on lugging the huge box HIMSELF, all the way to the car.)

my buddy and me continued..

Meet the newest addition of Kosty's Harry Potter collection....the Nimbus 2000! When I asked him if he was going to fly away on it, he was quick with a "YES!" then I said I would miss him, and he said, "But Mama...I'll jus miss you when I get back!" I put on the Harry Potter soundtrack flight song on our computer and crank it up, he loves to pretend to fly all over the house. He is such a nut!



Here he is reenacting his all time favorite scene from his favorite show ever, Max and Ruby.

he is obsessed with Brayden's ninja turtle costume

I love this goofy face he makes when he runs full speed all the way down the hallway to hug my legs!

there's a good smile!

sweet brother

"A brother is a friend God gave you; A friend is a brother your heart chose." ~Proverb

All I want is for these boys to be best of friends. I'm still waiting. There are many times when I have really truly wondered, "if Kosty suddenly disappered, would Brayden even care?" Well, lately he has been showing signs that {maybe, possibly there is a slight chance} he actually WOULD. Today after school, Brayden rushed in, looked around, and said, "Can I wake up Kosty? I really wanna play with him, I missed him." Then he said, "Mama, I can't wait till Kosty turns 3! Then he will talk just like US, and I can teach him to play games with me!"

Something this small makes my day.