waaaaa. :(

that's all I can title this post. It makes me want to cry like a baby.

Brayden: "are you going to be my son's grandma??"
Me: "Yes!"
Bray: squeezing me really tight..."but I don't want you to be a grandma."
Me: "I promise I'll be the best grandma. And you will get to see me a lot when you bring them to visit."
Brayden: "but I don't want you to be old. Will you be nice like grandma?"
Me: "yes."
Bray: to Jer, "you'll be a nice grandpa too. But I'll miss your funny things." :(
Jer: "I can still be a funny grandpa!"

This brought tears to my eyes. He is starting to think ahead, and I don't even want to think one day ahead. I don't want to think about the day when my kids are all grown up and moved out. I don't want to think about my kids not being kids anymore.

Then we had another conversation on the way home from Grandma's.

Bray: "what will happen when Zach and Cede get a wife and move out? I'll have no one to play with anymore at Grandma's."
Me: "well, they will bring their wife/husband to Grandma's. Then someday they will have kids and you will be the cool big cousin."
Bray: "I hope Cede has a boy. I really want a boy to play with."

I often bring it up to Jer that it will be so weird when Zach and Cede are grown and moved out. I know they are grown, but they are still young and entertain these boys all the time. When Jer and I got married, Zach was 8 and Cede was 10. I have watched them grow up. They feel like my own siblings. Brayden and Kosty have always had playmates. I get so sad everytime I think about life changing and everyone growing up and things being different. I feel like these are the best years of my life, and I just want to push pause!