I know how controversial the topic of spanking is...but I can't help myself. I am just too curious! I really don't know anyone now days who regularly spanks as the primary form of punishment. (Or at least admits to it!) So, when exactly did spanking go away? Right along with getting your mouth washed out with soap?
I know my Dad spanked us growing up, so did Jer's parents, so did most-everyone-I- knows-parents. Right? I remember as a kid, one particular time I got spanked...and I got spanked hard. But to be honest I only remember it once! It worked, dangit. I remember my Dad repeating something to me and my sister over and over again, with us completely ignoring him. (Paybacks are no fun) Finally he got so fed up, he smacked us hard. Sure, I might have hated his guts for a good 30 seconds, but I never felt abused or unloved, I just learned to listen up!
Many years later, I remember being pregnant with Brayden, thinking about different ways to discipline, and deciding to myself, "I would NEVER EVER spank my child." "It's violent, its abusive, cruel, etc." That went out the window just like: weaning him right at one, going back to work part time, forcing him to take a binky, not letting him sleep in our bed, and making him cry it out. Well, I think I have only spanked him like twice in his life, but I do think there are "those times." Of course I have done all the traditional methods of time-outs, losing privileges, etc. But sometimes I just feel like when you have done everything else, and nothing sinks in....then a good old fashioned spanking is in order! Then the thought occured to me, with all kids now days.. there seems to be an overall more disrespectful attitude, more irreverence at church, more kids getting in trouble at school, more talking back, more bad attitudes, more bad influences. And I am sorry, but may I suggest that those of us from the "spanking generation" were overall better behaved as kids??
Now like I said, this as a last resort but there are definitely those times when I feel like there is nothing left to do! One day, Kosty and I were at the store, he refused to sit in the cart, started pulling things off shelves, wandering off, just plain being NAUGHTY! Obviously in a public place you can't enforce the naughty chair, or the time out, or take away a privilege...so what the heck do you do? and what did I do? I took him outside and gave him a big fat spank! The diaper was a little too much cushion though ;) BUT, he needed to know right then and there that it was NOT OK to act that way in a store. And guess what? he's been a store angel ever since!
Now you know where I stand, and no calling CPS. So come on, share your spanking opinions, were you, or were you not spanked as a child? are you, or are you not scarred for life? have you, or have you not spanked your own? and do you, or do you not think the occasional spank is in order? Don't be scared! I want to hear ALL of your opinions!
19 comments:
LOL! you have us all pondering lately.... your blog has turned into food for thought!
um, yes, as you mentioned we were spanked as kids.
i dont remember too many times (one in particular, i dont wish to share, and KNOW you remember!) but i wasnt scarred for life, i might spank my kids, but libby is still too young to have had to yet. i am not opposed, but it will not be a regular thing... perhaps a wooden spoon to display on the wall to remind your kids to behave?? lol, i was thinking of how many times we heard that kitchen drawer open, and mom rumaging frantically for a spoon to chase after us with, and then when we ran to our rooms and shut the door, seeing that silly spoon come crazily under the door at us, trying to get us. mom was funny with that spoon, but it hurt! remember when we both were gonna get spankings and we put on ALL OF our underwear so it wouldnt hurt as bad?! HAHAHAH~! cracking uP! i think you got it chel, only as a last resort, to keep the order around the house. sure, why not, thats what i say! just no smacking faces, or backs, or any other body part, bums only.
ha ha!!! How, oh how could I forget to include the notorious wooden spoon?!! Yep--All I remember about it was all of us locked in a room, laughing hysterically, and mom jabbing that thing under the door! LOL! I dont think I ever got smacked with it though, and oh yes "that day" still haunts me...but I choose to plead Dad was temporarily insane at the moment. Now I DIDN'T agree with that one!
I love this post. It's a GREAT topic I too would take the time to post about to receive other opinions so I probably will be checking back reading others comments on the matter. Alright- IWAS JUST LIKE YOU- I was raised in a home where my dad was very physical- but my mom didn't lay a hand on us. I SWORE I would NEVER EVER use spanking or inflicting pain on my kids as a form of discipline. However, YES I have spanked probably a total of 10 times between the 3 kids that I have all together. But I havn't in a LOOOONG time b/c I read an article where President Hinckley spoke about spanking in the home. He said there is never a rhyme or reason to inflict pain on your child to teach them a lesson. He went on to say that the only time his dad layed a hand on him or his sibblings was to give them a blessing. I read that a few years ago and even though I've broken the rule a couple times. I've definately realized this past year that I'm a NO SPANK parent. We've rinsed mouths out this week with soap for the first time though!!! hahaha. Anyhow- I have more to say but maybe i'll be back. Running out of time. You crack me up- great topic!
Ah yes, I've been awaiting this post! I still remember getting a good bare butt spanking, but no it didn't scar me for life. One thing that stood out from my parenting class at BYU is that there are certain situations where spanking is necessary as a last result, but the biggest thing is that you don't spank them out of anger. You should talk to them calmly first about why they are going to get spanked, that way they learn the lesson instead of just thinking it's okay to hit when you're mad. I have spanked my kids on a few rare occasions, but I don't think I do it hard enough to make a difference (the fact that they are laughing afterwards gives me a clue), then I feel so guilty afterwards. I should do more to teach them respect, though.
I think spanking is fine. As long as it's the last resort punishment. every child is different sometimes a timeout will work and for other kids the could sit in time out ALL day and not care. I think you have to change your methods according to each child. My kids know that a spanking is the last straw and that means they are in big trouble, but my nephew would rather get a spanking then go to time out ( shugging my shoulders ) I don't know if any of this has made since but I get annoyed when people stare at you when you disipline your children in public, would they rather your child run up and down the store screaming and throwing a tantrum?? anyways like everything else "in moderation"
My parents had a wooden cutting board with a handle that they painted yellow and we called it the "Yellow Bee" cuz it stung! I got it only once cuz like you, it worked!! My brother got it several more times but he had thicker skin, I think! or head...
I totally agree that kids now a days are less disciplined than back in the day...I'm not a perfect parent, but my kids' disrespect to me or others, upsets me more than most things.
i got spanked a couple of times by my mom. it wasn't a big deal. when we wouldn't go to bed she'd threaten to get the fly swatter out to wap us. she only got it out a few times and then we learned.
I'm finally on your blog!!! I think the spanking thing is fine for a last resort. I've spanked my kids before. There have been times I've been trying to buckle the twins in their carseats and they won't sit down and I've wanted to spank them so bad, but I'm always convinced there's some camera in the parking lot that's going to catch me doing it and I'll get arrested. I haven't spanked my kids very often, but there are times that nothing else works. Sometimes they don't even feel if they're wearing a diaper. I totally agree that so many kids are disrespectful these days. I stopped teaching school 10 years ago, but I totally thought how many kids were doing things I would have never dreamed of doing in a classroom - and I taught the younger grades. Great post, you're so cute, Chelsea!
I'm not against spanking. I would rather use another form of discipline though, like tabasco sauce. Just kidding. All I really have to do is SHOW them the bottle and they shape up. That's funny what Williams 3 said...I remember Levi H. telling us that they used to pack on the underwear too! Ha ha! I think you're doing a good job being a mommy.
You are so brave to bring up a topic that for some reason makes peopole uncomfortable. HECK YEAH there's a time for spanking. I got spanked and I learned quickly to be obedient too. I don't spank often, but lately I've been thinking I need to do it more b/c I have one of those sassy kids you were talking about. Something IS different in this generation and I think some good old fashioned parenting would be better that the all the coddling we do now. I mean, look how good I turned out! :-)
I do agree that kids were more well behaved back in the day...my parents think I explain way too much and give too many options...they may be right but I will never let them know that!! I have spanked my girls only a couple of times as a last resort. And Abby has got soap in her mouth several times and she remembers it...all I have to say is "do you want soap?" and she straitens right up!
This is a HARD thing to decided. I too decided I didn't want to spank and yet I have found myself spanking Kale when he is past the point of reason. But, truthfully, I don't think it has done anything but make us both very sad. A few months ago I tried one day of spanking being the form of discipline to see if it would make a difference because we were really struggling. And... it was the worst day of my life. Since then I really try hard not to spank. I was spanked as a child and i seem to be fine but I am not fine being the spanker. So, for now we have to find different methods that work.
I don't think I ever got spanked.... my mom just YELLED at us and I think that was just as bad as being spanked.... Plus I was just an agel who did no wrong!!!
haha i like how jenna commented, my mom brought up your blog at dinner and it brought back all the ridiculous memorys like jenna and my mom having hair pulling fights haha.. but yea we never got spanked i think i got my mouth washed out with soap once.. and trevor got his washed out a handful of times.. haha But mostly yelling was the case, agreed!
ps... jenna wasnt an angel!! done let her fool you!
Hey Chels I need your address so I can invite you to my baby shower! If it is still the same as last year at my wedding then I have it but leave it for me just in case. Comment on my blog or email me at camianncaldwell@gmail.com Thanks!
I really, really loved President Hinckley's comments on spanking. I was spanked as a child and it really hurt my feelings. I have decided never to spank my children or physically discipline them. I want my children to love and respect me, never to fear me. I think when you physically hurt a child it teaches them fear not respect. It teaches them to lash out physcially when they have a problem. I believe it encourages domination and violence. None of which I wish to encourage.
I think that spanking is more for the parent than anything. Lets be honest here . . . when you are at the end of your rope, does it NOT feel better after you have given the SPANKING? And then what usually always happens? The GUILT trip kicks in. Ugh. So, does it help? Sometimes. Growing up, I remember running and hiding or locking the door and laughing! (just like you had mentioned)! It doesn't work very well with my kid's. They usually laugh at me and then I'm the one who feels like crying. I agree with the whole "kid's entitlement" these days . . . JOKE. It's bad.
Yes I spank. I'm not really afraid to admit it, but I know there are those out there who will judge, judge, JUDGE me for it. I grew up in a home where spanking was the first resort by my dad and it was mean. I've watched spanking turn into a beating and I know the difference. In this social climate though people look at you like you are a monster if you admit to spanking your children. I also believe that it should be a last option. However the exclusion to that is that I have told my children that if they lie to me and I find out about it (which somehow moms always do) they will get a spanking - no exceptions. If they do something naughty and come to me and tell me about it then sure they may lose privilages, or get extra chores but a lie equals an automatic spanking as many times as thier age. It is so important to me that I know I can trust what my children are telling me - especially if I ever have to go to bat for them. All of that said I am a firm believer in the idea that you show greater love afterwards. I try very hard not to ever spank my kids in anger. I usually talk to them first and tell them why they are getting spanked and that I love them and don't like to do it but they knew what would happen if they made their choice. Afterwards we usually hug and I hold them and talk some more. I need to know that my kids know that I love them more than anything. That's not to say they never get the smack on the bottom when I've warned them not to do something. I'm also a huge believer in hard work being a deterrent to naughtiness that stems from being idle. My good friends know that I like to work hard and play hard too. I'm the heavy but I'm also the fun one at home. I know that my kids aren't perfect and I am so far from a perfect mom. Elijah is giving me a run for my money because he doesn't respond to anything the way my oldest two do. But I cringe when I hear kids old enough to know better (I think my oldest two at 5 and 7 fit into that category.) yell at their parents, talk back to them, tell them no, throw fits, etc. In my mind I think, that kid needs boundaries and discipline. Respect from children to adults is gone from the generation we are raising right now. I think it's sad. Love and respect can come from boundaries and discipline just as well as letting them run all over you and everybody else.
I love this post too! My mom was totally not a spanker but I remember she would grab my arm so hard when she was mad that it was as bad as a spank. The funny thing is that my mom prides herself on never spanking but her biggest threat to us when we didn't behave was, "I am going to get the wooden spoon!" She heard that from her mom and used that threat on us. She never spanked us with it but always threatened it. That sounds so abusive even though she totally wasn't she just was a threatener that never went through with it. Oh yeah, I don't concider myself a spanker but of course I have spanked both of my boys before. Craig has never spanked our boys and I am glad.
OK, I just read your sisters comment and that is so funny that your mom used the wooden spoon threat too, it must be that generation.
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