I don't know how many times I have heard other moms use the phrase,
"you have to pick your battles."
I think I failed at that miserably this evening. Jer had a migraine all day, the boys and I and half the neighborhood were at the park for a looong time, Kosty missed his nap, and it was almost dinner time, I knew I had nothing to make at home, so I told the boys we could go to Taco Bell. Seriously, the only place we can all agree on. Brayden and I prefer Subway, Kosty and Jer prefer McD's and so we always end up at Taco Bell. Brayden decided he wanted to stay home with Jer, so me and Kosty went together. The plan WAS to eat our food there, and bring the boys theirs back home. Kosty was really excited to eat inside, and asked me repeatedly on the way over. We get there and order and I fill up his cup with water. He starts pointing at the fruit punch, and I tell him we didn't buy a drink, so we are getting water. Well I should have known better, with him missing his nap and all, he always has a melt down when he misses his nap. He threw himself down and started the fit, so I took him outside all the while he was kicking and swatting at me. I tried and tried and tried to reason with him. I really did want to keep my end of the bargain and eat with him inside. He was relentless. All I wanted him to do was calm down and be good so it wouldn't escalate. After about 20 minutes of my reasoning failing, I strapped him in, while he arched and screamed and hit and kicked and made a scene. I knew he so badly wanted to tell me he would be good and calm down so we could eat in there. But his stubbornness would not allow it. At one point of me asking if he would be good, he was nodding and shaking his head at the same time. I'm pretty sure it was the most intense tantrum I have ever seen him throw, and I have seen a few. Even the Taco Bell employees came to my aid with free kids meal toys that he refused as I was walking back in just to grab my purse and our food that had been sitting inside for the entire charade.
The whole way home I kept thinking, what an idiot! Why didn't I just order him a drink, I knew better, I knew he missed his nap, I knew he wanted to sit inside, BUT I knew that if I would have just went ahead and ordered a drink for him that he would think throw a tantrum = get what I want. Dangit. I know Jer would have handled this completely opposite of what I just did. No wonder he likes his Dad better. What was supposed to be a fun little date with my little one turned out to be a nightmare.
Oh, and once we got home and he screamed in his room for another 30 minutes, he came out to find 3 very soggy cold tacos, and then that caused another fun tantrum relapse. Oh boy.
Today I think I handled this all wrong. I am feeling like a crappy Mom tonight!
13 comments:
ha ha I actually think that you handled it right. If he was having such a huge tantrum I would have taken him home as well... so funny how someone always has to be the bad guy and it seems to always be the mom!! Dads have it so easy
you are not a crappy mom!
libby missed her nap yesterday too, the first time ever! she was surprisingly good though. scott is like you, he doesnt want to give in and let her get her way, but sometimes i just want to comprimise and give in! lol. he was just an overly tired boy, and you are a great mom, if you restled with him outside for that long! how embarrassing though, i can imagine him flailing and swinging at you...i wouldve thrown libby in the car a lot sooner than you did.
just relax, and dont miss another nap again huh?
I think you did a great job too! You can't give in to the tantrum, otherwise they'll become more and more frequent! Sleep well tonight - you did the right thing!
thanks girls, I think I am just tired of always being the BAD GUY!
You can blame it on your crazy neighbors for keeping you hostage at the park for that very looong time! But I do know a few kids that think you are the COOLEST mom because you let your kids stay and play with them! And, I would've had to answer THE question all by myself! :-)
It is so hard to be a mom and follow through with your kids. I've been in similar situtions. I feel for you. You are a great mom!! I never want to take my kids in the restaurants. It's usually the drive through for my kids!
Now is the time to go back and read all the nice fuzzy posts you wrote about how much you love your kids, then you'll remember that it really is worth it :) If temper tantrums are the sign of a crappy mom, then I'm doomed. Jayden's 4 1/2 and throws tantrums like no other. Hopefully today was a better day!
okay...MAYBE you had to endure this fun little tantrum but i'm saying GOOO MOMMY over here!!! With you sticking to your guns...it will pay off girl and those fits will end sooner! I LOVE IT I LOVE IT-great post. YEAH MOMMY FOR BEING CONSISTANT!! you don't see it that much these days!
awwww!! Sounds like you had a horrible day.. i agree tho i think you handled it very good too.. i dont have kids or anything but if i had kids and that happened id prob do the same thing!! They would always think if i throw a tandrum i get what i want... Good job!!!
Ps.. tamrans hair is extentions!! haha
i think you did great, staying strong. that has to be so hard/embarrassing dealing with a screaming kid in public. im not looking forward to that!
I'm so glad to hear that other people have the same frustrating battles and the same doubt about their mothering skills. You did a great job, Chelsea. I'm not sure how you could've done it differently. You don't want to coddle him or give in to his tantrums because then you'll only succeed in turning that cute little guy into a terrible little monster.
You actually handled it the right way. I'm the bad guy at my house too. I probably would have lost my temper faster than you and took my kid straight home though, with NO tacos. But you are more patient and I think you handled this well. Good job. I will follow your example.
Ha, Ha, Lori told me about "the question" at the park. I got the feeling that I would be leaving you 3 with something to talk about :) Chelsea, you really did do the right thing. That is so hard but it is supposed to get better when you follow through. We will see if it works...
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